Finding Passion for Your Passion!

This week has been a roller coaster ride with birthdays, celebrations, disappointing experiences and even rejection. It has truly been an up and down adventure that didn't end the way I had planned. But honestly what has ever ended the way you originally planned? I never got the clothes I wanted as a kid, I had to settle for hand-me-downs that were never in my size or style. I never got that cute, sporty car in high school, no I was stuck with an 88' Mercury Topaz that had a broken automatic seat belt, fishing line tied to the front license plate holder, and dash lights that would randomly turn on and off at the most inconvenient times. I never became the star athlete, the skinny super model, the 4.0 valedictorian or even the college graduate (not yet).

As a child we are handed almost everything we could want or imagine and are none the wiser when that "everything" turns out to be something very simple. How many times have you seen a child given a toy and they end up liking the box better than what is on the inside. As we get older we learn a sometimes tough lesson that we have to work for what we want in life and it will  not be handed to us. I sometimes want to go back to being a kid and playing in boxes that became forts or farm ditches that became amusement parks.

Nah, I  never want to go back to that time in my life! Don't get me wrong I had a great childhood filled with crazy adventures, a older brother who was always causing problems, and family outings that shaped my life and made me realize the type of life I want to have. Plus my mom always kept my hair cut short like a boy, the only difference was it was curled or permed.  Trust me not everyone noticed the curls because there was several times I was mistaken for a boy, even when I would wear pink and purple. Okay enough about that!!!

Now that I am fully emerged into adulthood it is time to put on my big girl panties and face the real world that is in front of me. I know life is never going to go as picture perfect has I had hoped or planned, but that is honestly the beauty of it. If everything in my life went according to plan I would be a stuffy accountant, most likely over weight, and in poor health. I can say this because that was the path I was heading down the first 2 years after high school.  Since then I have had several life altering, unforeseen things happen in my life, none of which I ever planned or expected. In all reality I have been very blessed! I have never lost anyone very close to me, I have never gone with out the basic necessities in life, and I have always had great friends and support around me. Although at times life and seem harsh or even unbearable but it has never been more than I could handle. I am a firm believer in the saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle, I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me."

As I come to different cross roads in my life I have to decide what it is that I really want and put everything I can into making my dreams come true. My life no longer consist of turning boxes into forts but turning my passions and dreams into my life's accomplishments. From this point on I will not let disappointment,  rejection and fear from others shape my over all goals. They may come as set backs but they will NOT change my dreams. I am going to decide my own destiny. I may not have every detail of my 30, 40 or even 50 year plan figured out but I can promise that they will be the best years of my life and I am going to have fun along the way.

Okay so maybe I did look like a little boy! I am on the right, my brother is in the middle and cousin on the left.

P.S. I am currently in the application process of going back to school. After a long year and a half I have decided to get back into school and finally have a degree in my pocket. I have also changed my career paths from general business to culinary arts. While I can only get an associates degree at CWI, this is not where I plan to stop. From there I PLAN to follow that up with a degree in nutrition, while mastering my culinary abilities. Ultimately I want to learn how to cook healthy and nutritional meals without sacrificing the flavor!

My Reason Why!

This morning started off as kind of a blur. First of all I over slept, which I haven't done in months, I rushed to get started with my day and get to the gym in time to attend my weigh in session. I was measured, weighted and photographed all within 10 minutes and sent along my way to start the 12 week process. Right after all of the commotion was over I took a brief moment to take in my surroundings and notice the others around me. I saw a few people whom I had crossed paths with while getting my measurements, I saw the "regulars" who are always at the gym, and several others who were in different stages of their routines. I then saw a larger woman with a very disobedient child, who had also just got her measurements. I then thought to myself "what is her motivation?" Was it because she wanted some time out of the house away from her child who would not listen to a word that she said? Was it a doctor telling her she needed to do this for her health? What was her reason why?

I then ask myself the same question. Why am I here? I am in alright shape as it is, why not be happy? I then remember why I started to workout in the first place. This portion requires a little bit of family history so please stay with me! Probably about 10 years ago now my grandmother decided that she was going in to get a tummy tuck. She was about 60, in good health but just had what she called a "flap" from having kids that never when away. Being a young teenager I was shocked that she had decided to go in and get this done, but it was her decision and her body. I think the bigger shock was that my Grandfather supported this decision because his way of thinking has and will always be, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Obviously Granny over ruled in this case and when under the knife the next day.She came out a new woman! After going shopping she would model her new clothes and show off to her friends. I don't know how many times we heard the story of how much weight was actually lost and how much she loved her new look. My grandmother finally had the body SHE had been waiting for her entire life.

Well a few years after that my mom was facing the same battle but her decision was a lot easier seeing that my grandmother had just had the procedure done. I remember her being nervous about telling my brother and I about it because she thought we would judge her for making this decision. That was not the case at all! We both love our mother very much and want her to be happy in her own body. And she was!

Now that you know the family secret this brings me to my reason! My mom has always told me, "As I am now, you will one day be." Trust me those are her exact words and I hated when she said that. None of us want to grow up to be our dorky parents! Well now that I am older I can see that she is right, I am becoming just like her. I have her desire for life, her ambition to get things done, and her readiness to help someone else. The only thing that I do not want to get from my mother is the unhappiness with my own body that at the age of 50 I have to go under the knife to fix the things I do not like.

I love my mother and I know that her reasons why made her so happy in the end. I just don't want to wait until I am 50 to be fully happy with my body.

This is my vow; I vow not to be a 3rd generation tummy tuck! I promise myself right now that I will start a life filled with good health, proper diet, achieving a body that I am happy with. 

Granny's 72nd Birthday

Fresh Start

You may thing I am just following the crowd by starting up my diet and exercise on January 1st. Well this is not a new years resolution, it is a fresh start that is following a hearty holiday season. I will admit that 2010 started off great with my diet and going to the gym was a daily occurrence.  Slowly I started to slacked off then I threw myself a curve ball and started working the night shift which caused me to be very tired at all times throughout the day so I would skip the gym and follow that up with nightly runs (I mean drives) to Jack in the Box. Bad combination all the way around! I felt my health and life slowly turning into a pile of nothingness. I knew I had to change everything and QUICK! I switch schedules and then boom the holidays hit, I knew this was not the time to attempt any sort of diet. I merely stuck to portion control and prayers that I didn't gain back the weight I had kept off the last 2 years. Well the holidays are over and so are my excuses!

Yesterday while at the gym I decided to make my goals even more public and join the Golds Gym Challenge. Again this is a 12 week challenge that I will officially begin on January 8th. At that time I will be weighed, measured, pinched, and photographed in my current state. And for the first time these pictures will not only be seen by me and my immediate family. They are going to be seen by total strangers! As my mom would say, "good thing you have never been shy." January 8th is the day that this part of my journey will officially begin and you can bet that I will have pictures for the world to see. Here are my pictures from last year at this time when I entered into a competition for my workplace. This is the beginning photo and I promise you the end photos were not much different. If anything I may have had a better tan to cover it all up! :-)

December 2009

Living Out Loud!

December 30th 11:39

Summer 07

A few moments ago I was laying in bed reading Body by Design by Kris Gethen, a new book that was recently given to me by my employer, Bodybuilding.com. To be 100% honest I expected this book to be like any other "fitness" book on the market. I assumed that it would include almost impossible workout routines, meals that no one would want to eat and ingredients that are only found in the rain forest, and fitness models that you can tell are naturally lean. Well I was pleasantly wrong! Although I am only a few pages into the book I can already tell that it is going to be different. No, it doesn't have easy workout routines, fat free chocolate cake recipes and it actually has real people featured, some of whom I have met or spoke with on the phones (I work in customer service). This book actually takes the outside approach and not only asks but tells you to set your goals prior to stepping into the gym or grilling up your first meal. By clearly defining your goals and making them attainable is the first steps but not the most crucial ones.  What most people, including myself lack is outside accountability. How may times have you set AWESOME goals in your head and just left them there? I know I tell myself everyday that I am going to go to the gym and the end of the day rolls around. I am at home in my PJ's watching my favorite show. Why is that? I fully believed that morning when I woke up that I would go to the gym today! I felt good, energy was up and I didn't have a thing to do after going to work. Hell, I didn't even have a thing to do prior to work either. Well then I got to page 19 and I finally figured out what I have to do. I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT WILL LISTEN ABOUT MY GOALS! How can I accomplish my goals if I am the only one who knows about them?

My "Get fit for Life" journey starts here! I am going to write about my experiences, successes and even failures when it comes to getting in shape. As of January 1st ( I know everyone does this) I will be on a 12 week journey to get to my goal weight of 120 pounds and 15% bodyfat. At times this will not be fun and I will ask myself, "What in the HELL did you get yourself into? In the end I know that this short 12 weeks of my life can set the pace for the rest of my life.

One thing I have always promised myself is that I will never be that person who says, "If I knew then what I know now about my health...." Well as tough as it is to admit, I am not and will not be getting any younger! NOW is my time to Live Out Loud and set myself and my family up with a healthy life.

Fitness Model Jamie Eason and myself- December 2010

I have made some big changes in 3 years but now it is time to take it to the next level!

Bucket List

Rafting Down the Alps in Switzerland

Alright here it is! This is just a rough draft of my personal BUCKET LIST. I want to accomplish everything that is on this list by the time I leave this world! I will continue to add to this list as my life goes on. The one stipulation is that I cannot take ANY item off the list no matter how bad I want to down the road. I realize that some of these things may seam minor or even crazy but they are items that I truly want in my life!

I also promise to document each event in writing and share it with the world. Not only will this keep accountable for my list but it will also keep the memories fresh for me to relive.

1.     Complete the 60 in 60 in Bikram Yoga. This is 60 hour and a half classes in 60 consecutive days
2.     Tandem skydive
3.     Become a certified Scuba Diver
4.     Live in New York for at least 6 months
5.     Be in a Play (does not have to be Broadway!)
6.     Attend cooking school. Not just for personal but for business. I want to start a business that incorporates my new found skills!
7.     Compete in a figure competition
8.     Help someone that I truly dislike
9.     Be on a reality T.V. show (Hopefully the amazing race)

10.   Get arrested (crazy as it sounds I really do want this on my list, and only for something minor)

My Journey

 “The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.”

A few months ago I started reading the extremely popular book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Yes, I know a few months IS a long time to read a book, especially one as great and well written as this. I knew from the very beginning... no rewind.. I knew from the fist time I saw the movie preview I knew I must read this book. While I did break the cardinal rule of going to watch the movie prior to reading the book it actually ended better than I thought. No, Not the movie!! I really was not impressed by the movie. I knew after all of the hype that the book had to be better. By watching the movie first it really made me appreciate and treasure the personal experiences that the author shares on this life changing journey.

Why am I writing about this you may ask? The personal journeys that the author goes on are all experiences that I have wanted to witness in my very own life. I want to travel the world not as a tourist but as a resident of the world. Visiting other cultures is not enough for me, I want to life as the locals do. Not only eat the local cuisine but learning how to cook it as well. I have a passion for life and want to know and experience everything that this world has to offer.

Now as I embark on my own journey in life I have to take on the mindset that Elizabeth Gilbert did and just go out in the world and get what I want and determine my own destiny. The experiences we desire come from within us and the they are solely driven by our own passion and cannot be given or forced upon us by someone else.

While I still may not know what my life changing journey is, I know that it ultimately has to be my decision and my blood, sweat and tears that are going to turn it from a dream into a reality and the experience that I have been waiting for.